Our Stories - Spring 2024
THE UNFORGETTABLE RUN
Karen Lee
After graduating college, I worked as a resident counselor for Advent Group Ministries in San Jose, CA. There were diverse areas to this ministry, and one part was having several group homes in the Bay Area for teenage girls and boys. These teenagers were in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction. They often times would choose to come to a group home to avoid spending time in juvenile detention centers for whatever crimes they had committed. I was the resident counselor for one of the three girl group homes, and was essentially a mom to six teenage girls in recovery. I cooked breakfast for them, gave medications to those who needed them, took them to school, picked them up from school, made sure they did their assigned chores and homework, enforced house rules (for example: cursing cost them 10 cents, or 10 jumping jacks), oversaw them making dinner, took them to Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meetings every night, and gave them a hug (if they wanted a hug) before turning off the lights. I committed a year to the girls’ care, and in that humbling year I learned how to love them with the Lord’s guidance, His boundaries and grace.
At any given day there was always the risk that one of our girls would run away, and sometimes they did. I often prayed, “Lord, please don’t let any one run on my watch.” God seemed to answer that prayer until it happened that not one -- but two -- girls ran away.
It was a spring day, and the three resident counselors from each of the girls’ homes were on duty. It was a school day so we all gathered together at the main home. During a break -- suddenly and shockingly -- two girls got up and ran in separate directions out of the house. My friend and fellow resident counselor, Kim, ran after one of the girls while I ran after the other. I will call her Sarah.
I can confidently say that I have never run as fast as I did on that spring day, and have never run like that again. I ran as if her life depended on it! My lungs were on fire. As I was running, I was calling to Sarah using all the knowledge that I had learned to try to convince her to stop and talk, with the hope that she would walk back with me to the house. She didn’t stop. She was crying, tired of her recovery, and desperately wanting to find and use the drug of her choice. Sarah was only 14 years old, but emotionally so much younger due to all the trauma that had occurred in her young life.
It felt like we were running forever, and, at some point, I could see that I was in a part of a neighborhood that wasn’t at all familiar. I knew I couldn’t keep running as I had my other girls that I was responsible for back at the house. So, I had to make the hard decision to stop. After one last plea, I watched Sarah disappear from my sight. Heartbroken, I turned around and walked back to the house in tears. I felt like a failure, and wondered what else I could have said that might have worked to convince this runaway to return and fight for her recovery. When Kim and I gathered back together, we followed the set protocol and spoke with the police officers who took our reports. With lingering sorrow and deep fear for the one lost sheep, I took my other girls back to our home and routine.
It would be months until we heard from a case worker that Sarah was arrested for a crime, and had asked if she could return to Advent. Normally, the ministry did not accept kids back if they had run away, but for her, an exception was made. The case worker let us know that Sarah suffered more terrible trauma while on the streets. Even though this may not have been a surprise, it still hurt. We knew her story.
I remember the day we all gathered at the main house again for school when I saw Sarah in the gym for the first time since our long run together. I walked toward her. She saw me and started to say, “Karen, I’m so sorry I ran …” and seemed to have had more to say in her speech. But, I didn’t need to hear it. I simply gave her a big hug and whispered, “I’m so proud of you for surviving and coming back to us.”
I sometimes think about that difficult experience and see it from different angles. I find myself, at times, relating to Sarah. She ran after something to meet her needs, but it didn’t satisfy. The cost to her was a place of safety; a place where she was loved, accepted, and cared for. What she received in the world was more pain, suffering, and danger. When she was returned back to the home, she was met with grace, forgiveness, and affection. I hoped that this was a picture imprinted on Sarah’s mind and heart of God’s everlasting love and mercy for her.
Although I accepted Christ at an early age, I can still understand the temptation to believe Satan’s lie that the world’s pleasures will satisfy. But I know that it is only the Lord who can truly fill my heart with all that I need. He desires for me to not run from Him -- but rest in Him.
Many of you can relate to my role in this story -- perhaps seeing someone you deeply love running right into sin-- to a life distant from the Lord’s plan for them. As much as you try to gently steer them toward the Lord, they continue to race away. You can well understand my long walk with tears at the end of that unforgettable run. How I felt God’s heart for Sarah and His pain as I went home alone, without her. Also, I sensed God’s tender heart toward me in those days and weeks after she ran away. The Spirit assured me that I did all that I could, and I had to trust God who loved her far more than I ever would.
Finally, my thoughts settle on the Lord. His love for us compels Him to pursue us tirelessly. The difference is that He does not tire. He knows our every step. He knows when He will reach us and knock on our hardened hearts. He knows our stories. He knows the long road we have taken until now. Christ’s sacrifice on the cross provides a path for repentance that ultimately leads to His holy embrace with the whispered words, “I love you. Welcome back.”
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."
(Hebrews 12:1-3)
(A special thanks to Chris and Karis for being my editors.)
