Our Stories - Summer 2022
Rest
by Ellen Gilbert
Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
Am I a Daughter? A Parent to my Parent? A Constant Companion? A Nurse? A Mourner? The answer to all of these questions is “Yes!” if you are – as I have been -- a caregiver for an aging, ailing parent in your home. As a caregiver for my mother for almost seven years, these different roles changed moment to moment, and keeping up with those “hat changes” was physically, emotionally and mentally draining. My mother doesn’t hear well – she sleeps much and eats little—she can barely walk, and she takes very little interest in life. She gets confused easily. To complicate matters, she doesn’t like children. This was a problem when our five grandchildren were in and out of our home many days of the week. And sadly, my mother does not share my faith despite always being exposed to it. We – and others --have shared the gospel with her on numerous occasions in numerous ways. This heartache has contributed to my overall lack of peace, but I trust God with the outcome in answer to our prayers. In all the challenges of caregiving His grace sustained me -- even though my attitude sometimes got in the way of His help to me in those struggles. He is patient and kind to always want to carry my burdens for me if I will give them over to Him.
As my own health suffered, and I was swamped with feelings of being overwhelmed, I finally came to the conclusion that my mother could no longer stay in our home. My ever-faithful husband, my amazing small group, and my concerned doctors encouraged this next step. Making this decision actually turned out to be the easiest part. Jumping through all the medical hoops, the requirements for her long-term health insurance, the rules and regulations of “regular” and “palliative” hospice care, and meeting all the guidelines of the continuing care community that we chose, was a very daunting task taking lots of time and energy. In the midst of all these stresses, my mother had a severe illness which made for a very rough March and April. But again – God carried us through each trial.
Now we are on the other side of my mother’s move to a skilled nursing care home. It is still work keeping track of her care, visiting her often, and working on her insurance issues. But thankfully, I have some “off” time now, and I no longer have to set an electronic monitor before falling asleep at night. I still feel guilty and worry, but I am slowly (some would say too slowly) finding God’s peace. I wish I could tell you how my mother is feeling about all this. She either can’t – or won’t -- tell me. I don’t know which! I do know that she likes her new room very much. My brother, his wife, and our daughter, Lisa, came to help set it up with her favorite, familiar things, and our daughter, Amy, researched the perfect electronic bed for her. I also know that one of her male caregivers sat down and worked on a jigsaw puzzle with her. She has told me this story several times!
As I watch little parts of my mother slip away – such as conversing, reading, playing cards, watching a movie – I mourn the loss of her a little bit each time -- even though she is still alive. I recognize the process of grieving and I know that it will continue to be hard. I cry less now and Tom and I are going away for an overnight soon which will be a much-needed change.
With God’s gracious help – as well as the kindness and love of my family and church friends – I will lean more and more into the loving arms of Jesus where I will find rest.
Caregiver’s Corner
If you are a caregiver, what support has helped you the most? What do you wish others knew about your situation? Do you have any tips for caregivers in similar circumstances to yours? Are there any suggestions of resources that have made your journey easier? As your sisters and brothers in Christ, we care about you. Please inform us of your prayer requests and practical needs so that we might be mutually encouraged and uplifted in sharing our faith as we seek to serve you as unto the Lord. You can email Kathryn Burling at kwburling@gmail.com so she can share them (confidentially) with the deacons and deaconesses so they can pray for and serve you.
